non-dairy-creamer

Spendthrift Sunday is a new feature designed to highlight one distinctly un-frugal product that we’re being convinced we need.

I think I have a drinking problem: every day I pour two to three cups of coffee into my body, and I can’t seem to stop. One good thing is that I have a free source of it: the coffee at work. The bad thing about this, however, is that it needs some nuclear-powered chaser to bust through its bitterness. Half and half with sugar? Too weak!

The balance of light and dark in my (work) coffee is only restored by the power of non-dairy creamer. The liquid kind, and a brand name, at that - I won’t disclose which one, but it rhymes with “irate.” By its power alone, the coffee at work is rendered drinkable.

Now, the creamer is not provided free of charge - someone usually has to buy it. Since I seem so dependent on it, it tends to be me. And here’s where the spendthrift part comes in: I spent around $7 last week providing my office with creamer, a large part of which I won’t even get to drink.

If it were simply a question of money, I might accept this fact. But let’s examine the fact that there is nothing even close to “cream” in non-dairy creamer. The British call it whitener, and that’s a far more accurate term. What are some of the tantalizing ingredients? The top three are water, sugar and partially hydrogenated soybean and/or cottonseed oil. Mmmm. I luvs me some of that trans fat.

But wait! The label claims that there is “no trans fat.” How is that possible? Oh, I see. They’ve engineered the serving size so that the amount of trans fat slips in under label regulations. Clever.

So every day I’m putting a shitload of trans fat into my young-and-yet-cholesterol-ridden body. AND I’m paying for the privilege.

Sadly, all the options for changing this habit seem less than ideal:

1) Make coffee at home. When I make coffee at home, it’s usually Kenya AA or Kona coffee (some of the world’s finest), and it’s not bitter enough to need more than a splash of half and half and some chocolate syrup. This combination would probably make my at-home coffee expense more than my at-work non-dairy creamer expense, but it would be moderately healthier - well, except that half and half is not exactly a healthy food, either.

2) Drink tea. I have plenty of teas at work, caffeinated and otherwise, so that’s an option. Generally I don’t get much of a high off tea anymore, and it is by caffeine alone that I put my hands in motion.

3) Wean myself off caffeine. I am not, by any means, a h4rdc0r3 coffee drinker. Two or three cups is enough to turn me into Rainman. So this would likely not be terribly difficult. What I would miss most would be the ritual: the coming into work, turning on my computer, and sitting down to a cup of sweet, sweet transfatty caffeinated goodness.

Any other suggestions for avoiding this spendthrift pitfall, my good readers?

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