children-computer.jpg Recently The Tao of Making Money posted a list of twelve things he would never buy. Computer upgrades and repairs were among them. Golbguru rightly pointed out that you can learn to do these simple things yourself, or have a family member or friend do them for you. As a computer-savvy family member, I encourage the former more than the latter, but the basic logic stands.

As a computer-savvy family member, I also am called upon to cut through the jargon and half-truths that stores such as Best Buy throw at their customers. My most recent experience with Best Buy and its associated Geek Squad involved my father, in fact. Keep in mind, my father would buy that bridge. He would buy any bridge. Hell, he bought a dump truck.

He brought his computer to my husband and me because he wanted us to install a new CD/DVD drive and a wireless card. Since he gave us no notice for this, we had to go to Best Buy to get the parts.

At one point he was examining a laptop he had recently purchased (separate from the machine we were repairing – yeah, he really will buy anything), saying he had gotten it for a cheaper price back home. At this, a sales associate approached us and asked him if he’d be interested in an optimization service for that laptop, for the price of MERELY $50.

“Come on, dad,” I tried to say. “It’s a brand new laptop, you don’t need it optimized.”

“Sure you do,” the associate chirped. “We do it all the time on new laptops.

Yeah, to get rid of all the crap you (or Microsoft) install by default, I thought. I gave her a stony glare, but she was now involved in showing my father a comparison between the two laptops in front of her.

“See, I start up Internet Explorer at the same time, and the one that’s been optimized has already loaded, while the other one’s still loading!” I notice that on the “optimized” computer, there’s no Internet connection, and she has merely loaded the “this page cannot be displayed” screen, while the other one is connecting to an actual webpage. I ponder commenting on her deceptive sales demonstration, but I suspect she wouldn’t know the difference herself.

Just out of curiosity, I looked up Computer Optimization on the GeekSquad website.

Your computer, like your car, is a finely tuned machine that needs regular maintenance to keep it running and in good working order. Our optimization service includes over 100 system tweaks that will shorten your computer’s boot time, delete unwanted files and remove unnecessary background processes. Agents will bring your system up to speed with the most recent updates to guard against security threats, and, if needed, defrag your hard drive.

Let’s debunk a few myths.

… first of all, the Geek Squad folks are not secret agents, no matter how cool they make it sound. Just sayin’.

Your computer, like your car, is a finely tuned machine that needs regular maintenance to keep it running and in good working order.
The difference between a car and a computer is that if you do something wrong in repairing your computer, it won’t burst into flames or strand you somewhere. This kind of language only discourages people from experimenting with their computers and getting to know them better. Of course, Best Buy/Geek Squad wants you to be afraid of your computer. It’s how they make money.

shorten your computer’s boot time
You can do this yourself by cleaning out your startup folder (see link at the bottom of this article for details). You won’t be deleting anything more than about a million quick start icons, even at your most zealous.

delete unwanted files
Click, hold, drag to trash. IT’S SO EASY. Additionally, deleting temporary internet files or your browser cache, or running a disk cleanup (details below), will also help.

remove unnecessary background processes
I’m not sure what they plan to remove exactly, but they are most likely put in place by software you don’t want; software that often comes pre-loaded, but unwelcome, on most store-bought PCs. Judicious use of the Add/Remove program dialog will help there, paying special attention to the services that have been used least frequently. If you don’t know what something is, do a Google search to find out.

bring your system up to speed with the most recent updates to guard against security threats
It’s called Windows Update, spyware software (AdAware or SpyBot Search & Destroy, and antivirus software (many computers come with this pre-installed; just be sure to keep it updated). Seriously, this is pretty much all you need, besides a little common sense, to keep your computer running smoothly.

defrag your hard drive
Do the people who use this service even know what this means? Throwing around jargon does not improve your company’s already ice-thin credibility.

Overall, this $59 service doesn’t do anything 13 Ways to Speed Up Your PC Without Spending a Dime couldn’t teach you to do yourself. This article is one of the best I’ve seen on do-it-yourself PC optimization, and is written at a level even my dad can understand.

You all will be happy to know that we escaped the store without my father giving away his pension. By the way, Best Buy’s new stores are designed so that you have to run a gauntlet of products to even get to the register. There’s definite a lot more emphasis on the “Buy” than the “Best” in this company.

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