I’ve been chatting with Sydney of Retirement: A Full Time Job about her path to retirement. Sydney is a great inspiration to me because her retirement at 44 was due to having a well-paying job she loved, socking away any funds that came her way, and… making a conscious decision not to have children.

No Kids = Greater Financial Freedom

I’ve written before about my childfree status. Early in our relationship, my husband and I idly discussed the possibility of children, but at some point we just turned to each other and said, “Really, are we ever going to be ready to give up our financial freedom for kids?” As a result, our financial future is clearer and our path to retirement is shorter. Every time I see a finance article talk about starting a college savings plan, I cross my fingers and give thanks that I never have to worry about that. I know that when the house is paid off, I can pretty much retire. Hell, I can predict when the house is going to be paid off. I don’t have to worry about outgrowing this one. It’s a real joy to know that I don’t owe anything to a little being, no matter how adorable they may be.

To the Naysayers

To me, the value of being independent – especially financially – is more than the value of having children. I question all the common wisdom about having children:

  • “Who will you have to take care of you when you get old?” Well, for one, how many older adults can say that their adult children really do take care of them? The proliferation of long-term care facilities belies that. Secondly, I’m a statistician, and I know that I will likely not outlive my husband. He at least got a choice in the whole “for better or for worse” thing.
  • “You’ll regret it if you don’t.” I’d rather regret not having kids than regret having them. Usually this line comes from the kind of people who think only their own genetic spawn are the only ones worthy of the name “children.” The possibility of adoption never seems to occur in these conversations.
  • “You need to reproduce to make up for all the stupid people that are breeding!” Evolution doesn’t work like that, I’m afraid. Also, behind many of these statements lies a veiled racism – “you need to breed because not enough white, overeducated, wealthy people are breeding.” Oh darn.
  • “Not having children is selfish.” Damn right. I’m not ashamed that I’m selfish. Too many women spend their lives putting other people first, and I don’t intend to be that kind of martyr. All I have at the end of my life is thousands of insensate years in the ground. Why shouldn’t I enjoy what I have, as long as it doesn’t harm others?
  • “You must have had a horrible childhood to not want kids!” I had a decent childhood, actually, with plenty of positive memories. However, my status as an only child – and thus being closer to adults throughout my childhood – is one of the compelling reasons I chose not to have children.

I have no issue with people who choose to have children because they genuinely want the challenge of being a parent. That, as far as I’m concerned, is the only reason to have children. I once had a coworker tell me that she was having kids because “I’ll go crazy if I have to look at just my husband for the next thirty years.” She may have been joking, but it alarmed me nonetheless.

Children and Personal Finance Bloggers

You’d think that personal finance bloggers would be the most likely to accept that children are a sizable financial commitment, and seriously consider what that means to them, but there seems to be a blindspot as far as children are concerned. “Don’t buy that plasma TV,” these bloggers warn – but very few say “don’t have that third child.” One can accept that children are the Exception to the Rule – but a plasma TV is never the exception to the rule, even though it’s less expensive and less of an environmental impact. Do you get more reward and emotional engagement out of a kid, though? That very much depends on the person. The stereotype is that you do, but that’s the kind of status quo I’d like bloggers to question more often.

A Discussion of Children and Personal Finance: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

I was intrigued, then, browsing Blueprint for Financial Prosperity, to come across “Don’t Have Kids.” Even though it’s written as a devil’s advocate post, and the author does dearly want children, I respect his reflection on the decision. His post is written to evoke commentary from his readers, and boy, does it. Most of the responses to this post are well-thought out, and many people come out on both sides of the argument cogently. Despite my staunch childfree status, this was one of the best comments on the joy of having children:

It’s like a half dead part of my life is resuscitated. Everything is new again. Everything is exciting. The bathtub is an amazing adventure. Light switches are a joy. The vacuum cleaner is scary but that’s ok because after it’s done eating it goes back to sleep in it’s cave for a few days. Don’t even get me started about paper bags. Oh rapture! My husband is excited about the Zoo. He brings it up at least once a week. “I can’t wait until she’s old enough to understand the Zoo! I can’t wait to show her the lemurs!” Before Chloe, the Zoo wasn’t nearly as exciting…

I can respect that sentiment: it’s like the feeling you get when you show your friend a movie you really love.

On the other hand, there are comments like this:

Wow. I read all the posts from parents and they are all delighted with their lovely kids. And I’m thinking, what’s wrong with me. I am having a much more joyless experience. My daughter is almost 5 and I can honestly say that so far, she has completey ruined my life in every way imaginable. Before I got pregnant, I had a fantastic job, was debt free, in great physical shape, went out three nights a week, had tons of friends, and an exciting life full of possibility. NOW … that is all gone. It is impossible to do anything with a child around you. I lost my job (independent contractor, so no maternity time off permitted). My debt soared. I lost my house. We lived in our car for months (very difficult with a baby). My body is destroyed. Her birth was, so far, the worst experience of my life. We are in a permanent state of overwhelming financial struggle. I have no social life left whatsoever. With the high cost of babysitters, I can only go out once every other month. It’s so depressing. I wish I could go back in time and grab myself by the shoulders and shake myself and say don’t do it, don’t do it!!!!

That’s really, really frightening, and illustrates the importance of thinking before leaping.

Unfortunately, the rationality of the comments goes downhill from there and turns toward the hateful and racist. If you have ever doubted that the childfree really are saddled with other people’s moral agendas, read on.

Exhibit A:

The only thing that’s going to keep America afloat after this generation of totally self-centered whining DINKs hits menopause/retirement is the illegal alien invasion – sure, they don’t/won’t speak English, are not part of our culture, want the Southwest “returned” to Mexico, etc. At least if they pay some taxes, maybe the few remaining aged Americans will be able to afford a little Alpo as they watch what’s left of their country retooled to crank out tortillas instead of bread. That’s if they’re not deemed an unnecessary expense and advised (or ordered) to exit this life with “dignity”, for the good of the country, of course!

…hmmm, let’s see. In addition to the “you must breed to keep those brown folks at bay,” I get called “self-centered” (… who else should I be centered on?) and a “selfish pleasure-seeker.” Yes. Not a racist == selfish pleasure seeker. You do the math!

But as if that weren’t enough, the hatred keeps coming!

WHITE PEOPLE ARE SELF-ELIMINATING AND WILL DIE OUT IN 200 YEARS MAX.

Well, aside from the fact that skin color != species… huzzah! Maybe they’ll stop whining about how the subprime mortgage crisis is the fault of all those uppity brown people, then. This charming individual follows up by shaming the penniless and regretful mother I mentioned above: “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU IS THAT YOUR CHILD IS FATHERLESS.” Hmm. Racist and misogynistic. Who wouldn’t want to bring children into a world filled with people like this?

And then come the folks imploring us to Have Babies for Jesus:

Allow me to introduce one line of questioning: is there a God, who created all this maleness and femaleness and reproduction, and might s/he have a plan we should be interested in? Is it possible our personal tastes and preferences might not be the ultimate arbiter of what’s best for us? Just an innocent question, and now I’ll tiptoe back out before the bottles and rocks and tomatoes start flying…

Yeah, sure. I’ll believe in a god that sees me as nothing more than an incubator. I’m right there with ya, buddy.

But this is by far the worst comment on this thread:

I am sick of hearing these people say, “We have no desire to have children. We both feel that our life is already complete and lacking nothing” Then why do you need a dog for? They are all suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder that plagues our society today. All they want is to have fun and be comfortable. They have no self-dignity… I call people like him “non-human humans” who live in a psychological/emotional disconnect, in a world of their own making, oblivious to – and apathetic about – what they don’t know… Psychologists warn us that narcissists “are more likely to have romantic relationships that are short-lived, be at risk for infidelity, lack emotional warmth, and to exhibit game-playing, dishonesty, and over-controlling and violent behaviors.”

Wow. I’m narcississtic AND non-human. (Well, I did belong to the Nonhuman Students Organization while I was in college…) And I guess my eight-year monogamous, childfree relationship with my husband, which included three years long-distance while I finished school, is a figment of my imagination. Clearly he’s never heard of couples that split up because one wanted a child and the other didn’t.

After all that, I had to leave this comment:

Hmmm… all the racists and God-lovers commenting on this thread make even more committed to never having children. If someone who’s worried that Whitey is dying out thinks I should have kids, then I feel doubly good laughing in their face.

I would feel guilty quoting just the comments on Jim’s post, but it is clearly meant to be a post where the comments are the show. I should also note that, far from stopping this appalling racism, sexism, and religious guilt-fest on his blog, he seems to have let it go on. Why?

I hope if nothing else this post has shown that people rarely act rationally when children are concerned, even when the stakes – one’s financial independence – are high.

Hell, people rarely act rationally, period.

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